예제) We all want to fit in, don't we?

We all want to fit in, don't we?

I remember how painful middle school was because my parents couldn't or wouldn't buy me the "cool" clothes for school that the popular kids were wearing. We were much too frugal for that in our family. I was never one of the popular kids. Maybe those clothes would have helped, but in truth, I probably never would have been a popular kid anyway. I made friends and formed connections with kids who didn't care about popularity or cool clothes. Some of those people are still my friends today.

This brings me to the topics of fitting in versus belonging, and how we can get there from here.

We all feel the need to be part of social groups in our communities, and we all make choices that affect the connections we make with others. At a young age, we begin to make decisions about our appearance, our social activities, and our time commitments. We choose how we look- our hair, our clothes, and even what we do to our bodies who we hang out with, and how we spend our time. In making these choices, we may either be trying to fit in or to belong. Brene Brown, Ph.D., a social scientist and research professor, has been doing extensive research over the past 17 years on what she calls our "inextricable' human connections" and on true belonging. "The greatest barrier to belonging," she says, "is fitting in." So what are the differences between fitting in and belonging?

According to Brown, fitting in is changing ourselves to match the situation.

In other words, fitting in is doing what is "cool." For example, it is wearing the right clothes, playing the most popular sport, or hanging out with the "best" social groups. But fitting in may cause feelings of anxiety or loneliness. Fitting in is easier in the sense that you don't have to go against the norm. However, according to Brown, it is shame based and sends messages, especially to young people, that they are not good enough. As we work to conform to the expectations of others, we lose the sense of belonging to our real selves. Why? Brown says that we have a deep fear that if we present our authentic selves, we won't be liked. In addition, young people who feel pressured to fit in in ways that aren't healthy for their overall identities may end up participating in unhealthy relationships or going along with the crowd. Worse, they might begin participating in hurtful or mean-spirited behaviors, including bullying.

Belonging is something else. It is letting ourselves be seen and known as we really are- being our true or authentic selves. It is wearing clothing that makes us feel good or that allows us to show our uniqueness, doing activities we enjoy, and spending time with people we can be our authentic selves. Belonging brings enjoyment, excitement, or self-fulfillment.

But it doesn't come easy. Being different can make us feel vulnerable- exposed to emotional uncertainty and risk. But, Brown claims, it's this same vulnerability that becomes the foundation on which courage is built. These findings surprised even Brown. She had assumed that belonging was external that people negotiated with the groups they want to join. Instead, she found that the people with the deepest sense of belonging are those who have the courage to stand alone and risk being disconnected from others.

Belonging matters because it is important to healthy human development.

We all need to feel like we are connected to people and groups. We seek love, acceptance, and connection. We want to feel valued, needed, cared for, and appreciated. Humans who belong are more resilient.

So how do we get there? Here are three key features of belonging: connecting, caring, and coping. Connecting is the experience of having meaningful bonds with others. Caring involves developing empathy for others, especially across differences. It helps us deepen connections to others who may also need support in belonging. And coping, according to Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., a professor of pediatrics, is the act of being resilient in the face of stress, including the pressure to fit in. Developing these three features can help us all find our way along the path to belonging.

- Bionic reading applied -

EN-EN Vacabulary

- commitments / kəˈmɪt mənt / 

(n.) [countable, uncountable] a promise to do something or to behave in a particular way; a promise to support somebody/something; the fact of committing yourself
- inextricable / ˌɪn ɪkˈstrɪk ə bəl, ɪnˈɛk strɪ kə‐ /

(adj.) too closely linked to be separated
- norm / nɔrm /

(n.) [singular] a situation or a pattern of behaviour that is usual or expected
- authentic / ɔˈθɛn tɪk /

(adj.) known to be real and what somebody claims it is and not a copy
- vulnerable / ˈvʌl nər ə bəl /

(adj.) weak and easily hurt physically or emotionally
- resilient / rɪˈzɪl yənt, -ˈzɪl i ənt /

(adj.) able to recover quickly after something unpleasant such as shock, injury, etc.
- pediatrics / ˌpi diˈæ trɪks, ˌpɛd i- /

(n.) [uncountable] ​the branch of medicine that deals with children and their diseases

_

[Related Resources] :

[1] Q Skills for Success 4 - Exercise Chapter 3
[2] Oxford 3000 <https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com>
[3] Dictionary.com, <https://www.dictionary.com/>
[4] Naver dictionary <https://dict.naver.com>